What is Fessing
The term fesseology has been coined by combining the prefix fess of the verb to fess (meaning to admit) with the suffix logy (from Greek (logia) having the meaning to study) thus the two come together to mean the study of fessing.
The process of fessing is the admittance of awareness and devoting a moment to self-reflect on the activities of one’s own experiences. The essential goal of fessing is the working out of issues from that experience for the benefits of achieving a balance between your feelings and your thoughts for a more fruitful life. The engagement in this process of fessing consists of three steps. All three steps actually take place through the process of writing.
At the very least, the person who engages in fessing would be someone with a desire to maintain a sense of balance in his/her life. However, the individual who is proactive will most definitely take action in some activity to ensure that the issues in his/her life are not left to chances or at the mercy of others. For these individuals, fessing offers the opportunity in being the driver of circumstances in their lives. By maintaining a self-awareness attitude in the experiences of one’s life, the process of fessing provides a systematic approach through ten most common categories that are at the core of our experiences. The ten categories through which one engages in fessing are: Apology, Blessing, Confession, Forgiveness, Hate, Love, Regrets, Thank you, Wishes and My-fess.
Essentially, through these categories, it is hope that one will recognize, consider and evaluate the issues that seem to be of concern in regain the necessary balance, for the benefits of maximizing one’s potential.
The when of Fessing
For your own pleasure, you may engage in fessing at any time. However, the time for fessing is apparent when issues from an experience that you had is repeatedly coming up and interfering with the enjoyment of present experiences. Note that these interferences do not have to be of a negative nature. It could simply be that you would have like to thank someone, for a good deed they had done for you.
The how of Fessing
The process of fessing has two approaches; the first is known as self-feesing, in which you keep your engagement in the process private. The second is direct- fessing, in which you acknowledge your thoughts and feeling to others involved in that experience.
The first approach is done, privately, through the fess-diary. No one has to know that you are engaging in fessing. The second approach is done in the fess-lounge with others you have invited to join you – as if you were having a conversation in your livingroom. The invited guests in your lounge do not necessarily have to be individuals who had been a character in that experience. Those guests can be people you trust and respect, and whom you believe can contribute to your understanding of the issues you are exploring. Direct-fessing is also done with fessing-cards, by selecting the card of the characteristic and style that represent of that issue and email it with your message to that person.
Both of these two approaches are done through ten categories that are: Apology, Blessing, Confession, Forgiveness, Hate, Love, Regrets, Thank you, Wishes and My-fess. Collectively, they are referred to as the ten-characteristic-faces of fessing. And each of these faces comes in three styles (i-fess-classic, i-fess-elegant, i-fess-funky) that represent the attitude of your fessing, which in turn is an indication of the level of your awareness in the issue you have done your fessing. For convenience sake, a degree of awareness, in fessing, has a numeric value ranges from 1 to 9, with 1 being the lowest and 9 the highest.
First Step, you recognize that an experience you had needs to be given some attention.
During this first step, your primary concern is of the idea that comes to mind. You are to write it down as it comes to you. It may be in the form of a question, a statement, or just a feeling that you have to express in words. At this initial moment, do not concern yourself of the grammatical correctness. Bear in mind that the intended purpose in fessing is to bring your emotions in accord with your rational thoughts. Therefore, you want to capture that emotion in its wore state, without any preconceived ideas or biases. You also want to write doing any ideas that come to mind about the issue. However, what you want to get out of this first step is under what category that experience should go.
Second Step, you devote some time to consider the issues for which you desire to gain clarification.
In the second step, in which the issues of this experience are under consideration, your focus is to work out the questions the questions from the first step. In this second step, you are actually measuring your thoughts against your feelings about the issues in question. It is very much like placing your feelings on one side of a scale and your thoughts on the other side, to find out, which weights more. It is here that you will determine the style that is best suited for the experience. Note that in this step you are to write down the thoughts that come to mind about these issues and your feelings about them. The goal in this step is to gain clarification of your thoughts and feelings, and determine which of the two is more dominant regarding this experience.
Third Step, Here you evaluate the issues and workout the language best suited to present it.
Now that you have stated the issue and categorized it as well as determined it style, you are ready to work out the appropriate language in which to deliver it with the greatest clarification and impact. If all is done to your satisfaction; you should feel a sense of relief, with freedom and unrestricted energy to enjoy other experiences.
Note that under My-fess category, you may engage in fessing for anything, circumstances, or events that you desire. For instance you might want to record the activities of a trip, a picnic, or just your observation of an event.
The who of Fessing
Fessing is done for no one else but yourself. It is through achieving a balance in your own life that your interactions with others may improve. Although, there are other participants in your experiences, you should not assume that you understand why they think and feel the way they do.
The 3 styles with their attributes and values
Awareness in the classic style indicates that the person is certain in the realization of that condition; for this outcome was established through objective consideration. The classical style has a value of 7 to 9.
Awareness in the elegant style indicates that the person knows that there is a need for fessing, but the truth for that condition is not clear. For that reason the person fashions the admittance in his/her beliefs. The elegant style has a value from 4 to 6.
Awareness in the funky style indicates that the reason for fessing is not known. However, through external indication, such as cultural beliefs or peer pressure, the person feels that he or she would be better off by addressing the situation. The funky style has a value from 1 to 3.
The ten faces of fessing, with their characteristics attributes:
(Note that all these attributes are intended to achieve a positive outcome.)
Apology: Here, the i bows down to the e because it recognizes a need to make amend for a more peaceful life.
Blessing: Here the i recognizes that the e has done a good deed beyond normal conditions and acknowledges that deed with a blessing.
Love: In love, the i looses its identity and becomes a reflection of the e. It is not so much that the i is not present to ask questions, but that most of the necessary questions can be understood through self-reflects.
Regrets: In regrets, there is not only the awareness of wrongdoing but that the action under consideration should not have taken place. Therefore, the i turns itself away from the e.
Thank You: In Thank you, the i makes an offering to the e, through the gesture of sharing the dot above its head.
Wishes: Here because the things wishing for are not easily acquired, the i is caught in the quagmire of desire. As a result, it finds itself acting as a juggler, which forces the e to look in both directions.
Hate: In hate the i turns itself against the e, and because it cannot function without the e, that forces the e to cast a shadow on the other side.
My-fess: In my-fess, the i sees things its way and tries to force its views upon the e; this then turns the e upside down. However, the e being the self, a conglomerate of many components, is far more powerful than the i, (a single entity), the e then absorbs the i into itself. Consequently, any fessing done in this category is fully realized by the self.
Forgiveness: In forgiveness, the i and the e sees each other head to head and do their best to reintegrate with each other.
Confession: In confession, the i, and the e give in to each other and reestablish that old confidence for a more balance relationship.
The design elements in the cards
The letters (i and e) In the drawings-
The (i) represents the rational aspect, of the individual. The e represents the self. For i-fess, this self is the sum total (body, emotions, rational (i), beliefs, etc), of the individual. It is the (i) that questions all the issues, during the process of fessing. This is an internal conversation between the rational (I), and the self (e). Through self-reflect on that inner dialogue some insight is gained that may leads toward a greater clarification of the event in question.
The Black represents the issues that we need to resolve through fessing.
The White dot in the (e) represents self-awareness which is needed for an understanding of the issues in question.
The Red in the (e) represents the energy required by the self in making the effort to achieve the desired goal.
The Grayish-blue background suggests that in the environment of fessing, there is no absolute. The deeds for which one is fessing are not always clear as black and white. Rather, events and happenings are relative according to the circumstances, under the conditions, that they took place.
Each drawing, as a whole, is an expression of the attitude depicted by the emotional aspect of the individual.